i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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