I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
