So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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