Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
