dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
