She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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