I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
