Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
