Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
