went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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