I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
