I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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