See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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