I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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