I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
