Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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