you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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