very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
