So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
