how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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