woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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