just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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