Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
