I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
