So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
