:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
