i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
