I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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