ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
