Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
