holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
