you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
