why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I touched a dick in church today
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
