Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
