Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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