I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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