Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
