are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
