It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
