she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
