Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
