Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
