She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
