I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She bit a glass in half.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
