And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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