i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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