if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
