Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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