she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
