just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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